Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
