we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You did what with his pubic hair?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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