I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to calm my uterus...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
