...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
