They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
