I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
