i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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