another moral hangover. fuck.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just pee around me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
