Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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