I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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