remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
