two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
