I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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