I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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