You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Olympian is in my bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
