If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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