look no pants
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
