I'm eating all of the evidence.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
