I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
