puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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