sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
