Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
