the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
