dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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