I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
