The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
