I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
