you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
