I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
