Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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