he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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