was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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