I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
