i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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