My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't put those talents on a resume
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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