I'm lost and stupid without you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
