I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do herpes really smell.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
