the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
