this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
