we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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