So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
