I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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