you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
