i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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