We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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