Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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