So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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