also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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