Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
