I just cut my nipple shaving
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
