I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
