you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?