I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz