Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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