If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dear god my vagina.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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