It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
