is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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