another moral hangover. fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
