i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize