i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize