His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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