What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
