He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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