Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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