You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
