i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
