Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
