I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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