We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
